All black.

Like a nightmare, a disaster.

Woke up this morning
And everything feels wrong.

I feel so disappointed, misunderstood and of all as if nobody takes me serious. Might I even be sad?
In the last few days I've been thinking about the same things over and over again and I finally realized that there's no solution at all.
Either I finish up with the past or chase after it. It doesn't matter anymore 'cause in the end there'll always be this feeling of emptiness.
Some say I'm just a cold and heartless person. Maybe they're totally right. But then I ask myself "Why does I feel all this pain pulsate at the place where my heart actually should be, when there's none?"


mood: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dlOlVWpCnUs

Bitch, we got a problem.

It's a cold cold world. Living here without you in my life.
How did it come to this?
I keep on fighting, but I can't keep going on this way
Can't keep going,
can't keep going on like this, this makes me sick.

So Throw it all away?
I keep on screaming, but there's really nothing left to say.

Stupidmania

Before

Before you speak, listen.
Before you write, think.
Before you spend, earn.
Before you criticize, wait.
Before you pray, forgive.
Before you quit, try.
Before you retire, save.
Before you take, give.
Before you die, live.

-William Arthur Ward

I'll hold you if you're falling inside my arms

If only I could, I would sit at your bed every day, every hour, minute, second. Trying to show you the beauty of this world and its inhabitants, your friends.
But the distance between us nearly makes it impossible for me.
Sadly, I can just tell you that my mobile awaits your call at any time of the day. And that I will always have a sympathetic ear for you.
Yet I don't know if this is what you really need.
If only I could be one reason for you to keep on living._.

born to live..

..for moments like this weekend *-*

▪ jumped with avian and fidi into snow hillocks
▪ made funny pictures with ling, tanja and Lu



▪ went sledding with hiko ♥



but still most of my thoughts go out to one special person, whose life sucks a lot right now. i hope this person is well and doesn't feel this awful._.

I NEED A REST

Vacations are over now and i feel so damn exhausted. Since 2 weeks I haven't had one day for my own, it was always someone beside me. All this time I tried to cheer up so many people. I even hid my feelings just to conjure a smile on their faces. But somehow this was exactly what I needed right now. Because as long as i can see all of you smile i feel happy.
However time after time I ask myself if leaving myself behind the scenes is worth it. If at one day when i might break down and cry someone will dumb down everything just to be there for me and encourage me...


oh i nearly forgot, yesterday i coloured my hair (:
back to black again!